The Intricacies Of Language – Why We Shouldn’t Speak Foreign Languages At Home With Our Children Part 2

This is the concluding part of my two-part piece on why Ghanaian parents should not speak English at home with their children.

“Herh! Leave There!” - The Appalling “English” We Speak At Home With Our Children.

Ghanaians have been blessed with a multitude of beautiful languages, each of which is a beautiful mosaic of the people’s history, culture and perspective.  In addition, colonialism has brought us English, which is our official language and the language of instruction in our schools. Unfortunately, English is gradually becoming the language of instruction at home in urban areas, among the educated classes. It is, in fact, becoming the first language of many urban children; a trend I find worrying for a number of reasons.

First of all, the children will speak English at school, anyway, and so do not need to speak English only at home.  Some parents claim that speaking English only at home helps the child to pick up the language and so do well at school. This is not wholly true, as teaching the child poor grammar will actually put him at a disadvantage. The child will pick the language up alright in school and master it with the help of books and other audiovisual learning aids. My parents, though highly educated, made it a point to speak Asante Twi at home with their children. I doubt very much that anyone could say that my sisters and I speak English or Asante Twi badly.  In fact, it was the norm while I was growing up in the ‘80’s and 90’s to find parents speaking their mother-tongues at home with their children; so when and how did this phenomenon creep into our homes?

Second, we, the parent generation for the most part, grew up speaking our mother-tongues as the primary or even sole language of communication in our homes. Thus, as bilingual as we claim to be, we tend to think in our mother-tongue, even when we are speaking English, hence our funny transliterations and the bad English we teach our children.  It is common to hear a parent say to their child as they hand them a toffee, a toy, etc: ”take,” “get,” or “collect”, instead of the more appropriate expressions “here, take this,” or “here you go.”   Other transliterated or just plain weird expressions that seem to be quite common are: “I will go and come” (to mean I’ll be right back) or “go and come, eh.”(to mean come back later); [i]“The money will not reach” or “the money is not up to” (to mean it is insufficient) and [ii]“On the light,” where “on” is used as a verb to give a command to turn on the lights! These funny expressions have no meaning, whatsoever for other speakers of English, so if the aim, in speaking English with the child is to make him or her communicate easily with others, then it has been totally defeated.

A direct consequence of speaking English at home is that our children will not have enough exposure to their respective Ghanaian mother-tongues and so will end up either speaking them very badly or not at all. This makes them awkward when they come into situations when they need to communicate with people in the Ghanaian languages. We end up only further alienating our children from their roots and culture. I think it is a terrible thing to put a child in an environment where he cannot communicate with others. This is invariably what we do when we speak English at home with them in our posh little cosmopolitan world, which is hardly representative of the country we live in. Ours is still largely illiterate and one needs to be able to speak at least one local language to function well. It is imperative, in fact, when one seeks political office.

Moreover, when English becomes the only language that we speak with our children, we rob them of their God-given multilingual cultural heritage. Some parents argue that speaking multiple languages with your child confuses him, but this could not be farther from the truth. The fact is that, research has shown that there are many benefits to children being bilingual or multilingual, such as ability to think quickly and to resolve complex issues, since different languages have different kinds of syntax and moving from one language to another demands a cognitive dexterity that being monolingual does not provide.  Now, the Europeans insist that each child at secondary/high school level learn at least two other European languages. Even previously neglected regional languages are being revived and taught in schools, because they now realise the importance of diversity.  In the United States of America, children are being trained to be bilingual, with television programmes such as “Dora the Explorer,” incorporating rudimentary Spanish into their dialogues. Why, then, do we want to rob our children of their right to be multilingual?

It is interesting to note that the immigrant or foreign student who never spoke his mother-tongue at home, still cannot blend in because he has an accent! He still has to write TOEFL if he wants to pursue higher education in the UK, US and Canada and will always be classified as a non-native speaker of English. Even finding a language teaching/coaching job to help pay his bills while he’s a student would be difficult because clients would prefer native speakers of English to him. He would be unable to blend in there, or in his native country because of a language barrier. In the face of this, how then can we justify making our children foreigners in their native land and robbing them of the ability to blend in and belong? It just does not make sense!

I am yet to come across a 2^nd generation Hispanic or Asian (especially Chinese) in the US or UK, who does not speak his parents’ native tongue at home. They, more often than not, speak the language fluently. When it comes to the immigrant African, especially Ghanaman, it is the exception rather than the rule. Even where he or she speaks his/her mother tongue fluently, when he or she has children, he will speak English with them and so they will lose their language and claims to their heritage. The sad thing about this situation is that these children born to immigrant parents are never really accepted in the Western society. For as long as you carry an African name, that is all you will ever be; so why not give your child something to hold on to…an identity that he or she can cherish, knowing that when they come to the motherland for visits, they will belong?

In this era of globalisation, languages die every day, as the number of speakers steadily dwindles each year.  We put our respective languages in danger of dying out when we speak English alone at home with our children, because when these children grow up, they, in turn, will speak English at home with their children and before we know it, English would have become the mother-tongue of the cosmopolitan Ghanaian. What really gets my goat is that the semi-literate, or those who speak English badly have a penchant for speaking “English” with their children. Because they think it is posh to do so!

As pointed out earlier, language is a record of all the experiences of a people. This is very apparent in idiomatic expressions and in the rich and colourful proverbs that Africans love to decorate their speech with. There is a lot of native wisdom in these proverbs, as they deal with all aspects of life – how to live peaceably with one’s family and neighbours (especially important in a communal/compound house setting), what to eat and even how to cook it, local (herbal) medicines...the list is endless! Since our forefathers did not have a means of writing down what knowledge they had acquired, they transferred them through language – especially in the form of proverbs. We lose all this native wisdom when we trade our native language for another’s.

When we take on a foreign language, we take on all aspects of the culture that speaks that language and so we need to understand what we say and why we say what we say in the way we say it, so that we will be able to communicate clearly and effectively. How, for example, do you explain to your curious five-year old why we say ”saved by the bell,” when you have no appreciation of the cultural norm that brought about this expression?  This reminds me of a story: at an Accra nursery school’s Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols, during which the children sang Ïn The Bleak Mid-Winter, when the children got to the end of the first verse; ”snow had fallen, snow on snow; snow on snow on snow” the teacher who was conducting them started shouting emphatically and excitedly: “Snow!” over and over again. He obviously had never seen snow before and so had no idea how utterly miserable mid-winter is, especially when you have snow on snow on snow! 

It is my humble opinion that our lack of local official languages is an obstacle to our development. If we will not think, let alone write in our native language, how then can we develop the language to take in all these new technology-related words that keep springing up every day? We can hardly catch up with the rest of the world on this score and yet we are working extra hard at making our mother-tongues even more obsolete by speaking English at home with our spouses and children!

When we lose our mother-tongue, we not only lose the ability to communicate with our people; we lose our history, our cultural worldview and norms, our sense of identity and of nationhood...we lose everything! If we recognise the fact that language is the repository of our people’s experiences, culture and norms and our history as a people, and yet the most easily lost or subdued aspect of a culture, we will take steps to protect our heritage. Let us take pride in our mother-tongues and speak them with our children. Let us protect our heritage and equip our children to thrive in their own native land. It is the least we could do for them!

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[i] Top 20 most irritating Ghanaian English phrases of all time by Delalorm Kpeli inghana.wordpress.com. Retrieved on 04/04/12.

[ii] Top 20 most irritating Ghanaian English phrases of all time by Delalorm Kpeli inghana.wordpress.com. Retrieved on 04/04/12

For a list of funny, or rather, appalling “English” expressions parents commonly use when speaking to their children, read Top 20 most irritating Ghanaian English phrases of all time by Delalorm Kpeli on his blog: inghana.wordpress.com. 

The Intricacies of Language – why we shouldn’t speak foreign languages at home with our children

This is the first part of a two-part article on the educated Ghanaian’s use of English at home with their children, instead of their mother tongue. This first part takes a very cursory look at the significance of language, while the second looks at why it is important to develop our local mother tongues and speak them at home with our children, instead of turning English into the children’s mother-tongue or first language.



LANGUAGE IS A MUSEUM

Language is more than just a means by which humans communicate with each other; it is really a repository of human experiences – a veritable walking museum of culture and history and of all aspects of human existence. The language of a people records their religion or beliefs, an example of which is how the Romans used to swear by Jupiter, head of all the gods, hence the expression “by Jove.”

Language records the food a people eat: The Asante expression “wo sum bordeε a, na w’asum kwadu” literally translates as when you prop up the plantain, (so that head of plantain it has borne will mature, rather than drop down and break off), you need to prop up the banana also. Since fufu, (made from plantain and cassava and pounded together) is the main food of the Asantes and banana can be used to substitute for plantain, the expression means that one has to have a “Plan B” ready so that he is not found wanting when his main source/Plan A runs out. The English love to drink tea, thus something being “just one’s cup of tea” means that it is something that person desires or prefers. Language can describe how the food is prepared or eaten. The nursery rhyme, “peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old” is from an era when the left-over soup for the day’s meals would not be thrown away and the ingredients for the day’s soup would be thrown into the pot of day old soup the next day and cooked. This would go on every day until all the soup in the pot was eaten. Language can also describe what their food looks like, such as to describe two people as being “as alike as peas.”

The language of a people can tell you about an important historical event in the lives of the community or tribe. For example, in June 1815, the English defeated Napoleon Bonaparte at the battle of Waterloo. Napoleon had initially expected this battle to be an easy one, but the arrival of the Prussian forces to reinforce the Anglo-Saxon army, led by the Duke of Wellington led to his defeat. Hence the expression, “to meet your Waterloo” which means to come to a final disaster, that every strong man has his day of defeat.

In French, the expression “saoul comme un Polonais,” which means as drunk as a polish man takes its roots from the November 1808 defeat of Somo-Sierra in Spain, in which a small band of Polish soldiers (150 men) defeated this city which was guarded by 8000 with 20 cannons, thus increasing Napoleon Bonaparte’s empire. The French generals, jealous of the Polish unit’s contribution to their victory sought to belittle them by telling Napoleon that the Polish soldiers were drunk, Napoleon retorted that in the future, the French soldiers, then , had better learn to be drunk like the Polish, hence the introduction of that originally pejorative expression, into the French language.

The Ghanaian expression that someone “does not know what is happening in Dodowa Forest) to mean that the person does not know what is happening behind-the scenes. This is a record of the battle of Dodowa, also known as the Battle of Katamanso, in which the Ga-Dangmes and their Akyem and British allies defeated the Asante army in a battle fought in the Dodowa Forest, which is home to the Ga-Dangmes, but foreign soil to the Asantes. For the first time, the British used Congreve rockets, but the bullets the Shai people shot into the trees made such a commotion that the Asante army, already severely decimated by the rockets was frightened and fled back to Kumasi.

Instances of where language can record cultural practices abound. One of such is the expression to not ‘throw away the baby with the bathwater,” an admonition not to throw away something good because it presents difficulties or obstacles came from the practice in England where the people bathed only once in a year, at the beginning of spring. The whole village would bath in the communal baths, starting with the old men and other men, then the women, the children and then babies and young children. Often, the water would be so dirty by the time it got to the turn of the babies that if one did not hold on to the baby and let it slip into the bath, there was a huge possibility that the baby would drown because it would be almost impossible to see it below the surface of the dirty water. Yuck!

Language can record prejudices or indicate which peoples were neighbours and how they regarded each other. For example, when someone slips out of an event without saying goodbye to the host, or takes a leave of absence without permission, the English call it to “take a French leave”, while the French call it to “take an English leave!” Not only does this show that these two groups of people were in contact with each other, but it also indicates a mutual disdain for each other. Incidentally, the Spanish also call it “taking a French leave,” while the Italians call it “taking an English leave.”

Language can indicate the location of a people or their main occupation: If one uses the Ga expression “Korle nya nshona” to refer to another, it means literally that the Korle(Lagoon) is flowing into the sea, but really means that that person speaks Ga very fluently. First of all, the Korle Lagoon is found only in Accra, in the Greater Accra region. This idiom, thus shows that the people who speak this language live around the Korle Lagoon and the sea. If they live near the sea, then they must be sea-faring folk and thus fishing would be their main economic activity.

When you take all these things into consideration, it really is clear that a language is way more than just a means of communicating with others. I shall take a look at the reasons why I think Ghanaians shouldn’t speak English at home with their children in my next post.


Endnotes
Retrieved on 04/04/12 from http://www.napoleon.org/en/fun_stuff/dico/archives.asp
Retrieved on 04/04/12 from http://lespolonais.forumpro.fr/t2022-saoul-comme-un-polonais-retablissons-la-verite
Retrieved on 04/04/12 from http://www.onwar.com/aced/data/alpha/asante1824.htm

WET, CERAMIC-TILED OUTDOOR SPACES - A DISASTER IN THE OFFING!

Two years ago today, I slipped and fell off the topmost of my wet front porch steps, and found myself flying into the air and crashing hard on the ground and, consequently, banging the back of my head on the topmost step. Then began a series of trips to the hospital, undergoing scans and tests, excruciating headaches and back pain, dizzy spells and tons of medication. Three months in all, I spent at home recuperating. Two years onwards I’m still learning to manage a visitor that doesn’t seem to want to go away - lower back pain.



Considering the fact that I banged the back of my head on the top of the step, I consider myself very lucky that I’m still alive and that I didn’t crack or break anything. When I got back on my feet from the fall, I rejoiced because I knew my time on earth wasn’t up yet; I still had lots of work to do. I’m thankful for the gift of life, for every ache I feel in my back and for the changes to my power of vision; it could’ve been so much worse!



I originally wrote this introduction to my article exactly a year ago today, on the 1st anniversary of my deliverance from a close brush with death. It's sad, but everything I said up there a year ago is still relevant today. Today, however, I'm not going to moan about my injury; instead, let's look at the cause of it - smooth ceramic tiles used on outdoor spaces and so can get wet from rain.


I’ve noticed and with very grave concern too that many residences, shops and even office complexes have been tiling their parking lots with ceramic tiles. This is very, very dangerous! Maybe people do not realise the danger this poses to human life and property. I should know...I’m a victim of wet ceramic tiles in an outdoor area.


Each time I enter the Manet Court compound at Airport, which houses two very big and prestigious companies, I can’t help but worry that I’m entering a disaster-zone. The whole parking lot is tiled with smooth, ceramic-looking tiles that have no traction. The result is that even on a normal, dry day, the car tyres screech very loudly, as they struggle to grip the ground. This gets worse, naturally, when it rains. Imagine the number of cars that drive in and out of there on a daily basis! Or the number of heeled shoes that walk on this floor every day! The fact that an accident hasn’t happened there yet doesn’t mean that this area is safe with these tiles. Far from it - it’s actually a disaster waiting to happen!


Some cornershop fronts also have these smooth tiles, broken up and mixed with cement on their floors. While the cement breaks the continuity of the slippery tiles, these floors and steps are still very slippery and dangerous, especially when wet. Wet, slippery tiled floors are very dangerous to walk on, which's why in restaurants and shops, a warning sign is placed on the floors when they are wet.


I wonder, is the aesthetic value of these tiled parking lot floors worth the pain and injury they could inflict on people who slip on them? Whatever happened to those cement design blocks that we’ve been paving our parking lots with?


Safety first, people!!! Safety first!!!

A Year Ago Today...A life-changing event


A year ago today, I slipped and fell off the topmost of my wet front porch steps, and found myself flying into the air and crashing hard on the ground and, consequently, banging the back of my head on the topmost step. Then, began a series of hospital visits; scans, tests, excruciating pain, dizzy spells and tons of medication.

When I got back on my feet from the fall, I rejoiced because I knew my time on earth wasn’t up yet; I still had lots of work to do. I spent three months at home, recuperating. A year on, I’m still learning to manage a visitor that doesn’t seem to want to go away - lower back pain. Considering the fact that I banged the back of my head on the top of the step, I consider myself very lucky that I didn’t crack or break anything.Though I’m in pain at this very moment and feeling cranky because of it, I’m thankful for the gift of life, for every ache I feel in my back and for the not-so-pleasant changes to my once near perfect vision; it could’ve been a whole lot worse!

WHEN THE OLDER WOMEN CONGREGATE AT THE CHURCH DOOR/GATE...

I’ve been threatening myself that I’d write this piece for almost a year now, but hadn’t been irritated enough to actually get to it... until now. Let me ask you: what did you think of the title? What was the first thing that went through your mind when you read it? Let me finish the sentence: When the older women (the Church Posse) congregate at the church door...they are talking about you, young single!!! Yes, you’d best believe it! They are talking about you and lying in wait for you, o hapless single, to walk by so they can bombard you with questions about when you’re going to get married and why you haven’t brought your partner to church!


An older single friend of mine told me about her experience three years ago at the hands of the older women in her church. They would lie in wait for her at the main entrance to the church after mass and when she passed by and stopped to greet them, (she wouldn’t dare ignore them), they would launch into a pop-quiz session on when she’d get married. That certainly made her quite unenthusiastic about going to church. I had quite a good laugh at her expense then. Imagine my dismay when I started getting similar treatment last year!


The first time it happened, I walked into the trap without even realising it. It was a group of female leaders (elders) of the church. Naive girl that I was, I’d no idea that they weren’t chatting about church activities. They stood at the entrance (gate) to the church after service and when I walked by and greeted them (as I should and as they expected), they launched full blast into pop-quiz mode:
Ques 1: Ei, how are you?
Response (with a warm, genuine smile): I’m fine, thank you.
Ques 2: Ei, where is our in-law?
Response: (in total shock...automatic response) Ye rehwe die Nyame beye (We’re waiting on God for his appointed time)
Ques 3: When are you bringing our in-law to church?
Response: (smiling a little sheepishly by now) Ye rehwe die Nyame beye (We’re waiting on God for his appointed time)
Ques 4: We will have a wedding by year’s end, won’t we?
Response: (fake smile takes over; trying hard not to show my irritation) Ye rehwe die Nyame beye (We’re waiting on God for his appointed time)
By this time, I’m starting to move hurriedly away, but they’re walking along with me...
Parting shot 1: I’ve bought a nice hat for your wedding oh, so don’t take too long about it!
Parting shot 2: Don’t worry, it will happen. Believe it and it will happen.
Response: (feeling totally disoriented by now) Ah yoo! (I hear you)

I walked off hurriedly before another older woman, who was heading towards us could join us.


The second time it happened (and I mean major incident, not minor infractions of my privacy), one of the Church Posse members got up from her seat on the front row pew and walked to my seat at the back of the church (towards the exit) to pester me.
Ques: Oh Nana, why didn’t you bring him along with you to church? (She’d noticed I was in church from when I went to the front during offertory time)
Response: (smiling, laughing a little even) Oh, Auntie, as I’ve told you already, I’m not seeing anyone.
Ques: Why, do you have bad character traits, which is why the men are not coming to you? Are you too loud-mouthed? Is your temper too fiery?
Response: (silence... too shocked to say anything)
Parting shot: You have to be patient with them and learn to control your temper, eh?
Response: (feeling downcast, dismayed... totally disoriented) Alright, Auntie. I will do that. Thank you.


She walked back to seat because the reverend minister had begun the sermon. I was so outraged I hardly heard a word of the sermon. This time, as soon as church service was over, I left for home. I didn’t stay to chitchat because I wasn’t interested in hearing more ridiculous comments.


I couldn’t believe that anyone could actually say that to me, or to anyone else for that matter. Here I was minding my own business and then having someone lash out at me in this manner. She didn’t know and didn’t care how I was feeling or what was going on in my life. Whether I was genuinely having trouble attracting or keeping a man or it was a deliberate choice to lie low for a while. She didn’t know and didn’t care if I was going through a difficult time at work or through emotionally turbulent times. I’m the oldest of three daughters; my two younger sisters are both married and the middle one has two sons. I’m happy for them and very supportive of them. We get along great; we hang out often and I adore my little nephews. I firmly believe that we travel along different paths in life and so I’m happy with my life as it is. I thought it quite cruel of her because being as close as she is to my family and knowing so much about us, she should have been the last person to pass a comment like that. Imagine how utterly crushed and shattered I’d have been if I’d been having difficulties coping with being single and having married younger sisters!


After this and a few minor incidents, I stayed away from church and from the older women for a while and then after protests from my parents about my absenteeism from church, I went to church last Sunday and got another reminder as to one good reason why I’ve lost interest in the church I grew up in (been a member for 20 years). One woman (a neighbour) I greeted told me she was waiting for my wedding and had already bought her white cloth for the occasion! She told me she’d wrapped it up to preserve it and so I laughed and told her to keep it preserved because it had a long wait ahead of it. Her oldest daughter, who was standing next to her and who had got married in her mid-30s signalled for me to ignore her mother.


The curious thing about these women pressurizing young women to marry is that often, it is the women whom everybody knows had terrible marriages who do it the most. It makes me wonder if it’s a case of misery loving company or they feel that you too must “smell“ the “pepper” that marriage has been for them? You’d think they’d be the ones to caution young women especially to take their time to find a good partner and to be sure that they want to be with that particular person, but no! They are the ones who’ll pressurise you into settling down with the wrong person and then later tell you that’s how marriages go and that God abhors divorce, so “manage” the situation. These church posses are the very ones who turn young, happy single women into discontented, desperate-for-marriage women, who’ll settle down with an ogre, just to have her peace of mind (from their continuous harassment) and also to get respect from others. By the way, the harassment doesn’t stop there; they harass you to have a baby as soon as you marry and then to have some more later.


Why can’t the older women in the church mentor the younger ones? Why can’t they educate them on the challenges of life; of dating, of marriage and having a family? Why can’t they use their experience and expertise to better prepare the younger women in the church towards these life-changing events instead of hounding them into a marriage they’re ill-prepared and ill-equipped for and worse still, with people they may not really know or want to be with?


Young single ladies out there, if you see a group of older women congregate at the church door or gate, know for sure they are talking about you. You don’t need to avoid them; walk confidently past them, greet them politely and if they bombard you with the pop-quiz, tell them: “We’re waiting on God for his appointed time.” You may even add: “God’s time is the best” to it. Walk away and think nothing more of it. In time, they will stop bothering you about it. When the time is really right, you truly will find that special someone and you’ll be glad you waited. Until then, beware the Church Posse!

TO LEAVE OR NOT TO LEAVE, WHEN YOUR MARRIAGE BECOMES AN ALBATROSS? - AN ANALYSIS OF THE DAY DAD CAME, A PLAY BY UNCLE EBO WHYTE

Hello!
I know I've been naughty (very negligent), but this year, I promise to do better. To make amends, I'm giving you an extra long read. I went to see Uncle Ebo Whyte’s latest play, The Day Dad Came at the National Theatre when it premiered in December, so I thought I’d share my opinions on the experience. This review was originally supposed to be finished in December, but many obstacles, including the crashing of my lappie and flashdrive nearly made it impossible to finish. had I not blabbed about the review to a friend who happens to have been a member of the cast, I most likely wouldn't have been able to finish it. This is long, but quite worth the read, so relax and go on...

I got there at 4:20pm for the 4pm show and couldn’t get parking anywhere near the venue. I’d to go as far as the Ministry of Roads and transport building (yes, pretty close to the traffic lights that take you to the Intersection near the National Theatre) to find parking. I was amazed at the number of cars that had been along the road and even in the island, all the way to the traffic lights that take you towards the stadium and on both sides of the street! My amazement wasn’t so much about the turnout, as at how many people had been on time, especially as Ghanaians are never on time and the more important (socially or politically) they are, the more late they are to events. I was impressed to find that when Uncle Ebo says the show begins at 4pm, he means just that! I encourage him to continue to keep us on our toes and to appreciate the value of being punctual.

PLOT
Now, let me put this analysis in context by first narrating the plot: Kofi and Ama Osei are unhappily married, but carry on in public as though they’re happy together. It’s Ama’s birthday, but not only does Kofi not give her a gift or even wish her a happy birthday, he’s upset that he can’t find his phone. To help save Ama from the abuse she suffers at the hands of Kofi because of the missing phone, Ama’s sister calls the phone, which is answered by a lady called Candy. It turns out that Kofi’s having an affair with Candy, who’s supposedly six months pregnant with Kofi’s baby.

Later that evening, Mr Forson, Ama’s father, comes to the home of the Oseis to speak with Kofi, but has to wait till 1a.m. when Kofi returns home “from work”. Kofi, who does not know that his father in-law’s sitting in the living room, enters and physically abuses Ama for calling him earlier on his cell phone. When he realises that his father in-law is watching them, Kofi pretends to be just playing a game with his wife. Mr Forson is unimpressed by the couple’s efforts at pretending that all’s peachy with their marriage and insists that Kofi meet him with his parents at the house the following morning.

At the meeting the following morning, Kofi’s parents are appalled to find that their son’s been physically abusing his wife. Mr Forson asks Ama to go back home with him and tells Kofi to decide whether or not he wants to be with Ama and to come for her, accompanied by his parents, at his (Forson’s) home if he does. Ama refuses to leave her marital home with her dad, but goes to see her father off so as to give the elderly Oseis a chance to speak with their son.
Kofi then declares that he no longer loves Ama and wants to divorce her. He’s supported in his stance by his father, Mr. Osei, who affirms that only fools stay in unhappy marriages and that marriage is not a life imprisonment; that one can leave a marriage that’s not working out. This offends his wife, Auntie Comfort, who has put up with her unhappy marriage to Mr Osei for 35 years. She counsels Kofi to think carefully about his decision and reveals that she took Mr Osei back when he came back to her, after he’d left her for another woman because of Kofi and his siblings. She then declares that since Mr Osei feels that only fools stay in unhappy marriages, her sacrifice has been pointless and so she’s throwing him out of her life and out of her house.
In the next scene, Ama’s weeping in the living room when her co-worker, Joe, comes to see her. He encourages her to be strong and tries to cheer her up. He pampers her by making tea for her and then confesses his love for her. Ama is shocked and dismayed to hear this and sends him away. She is just about regaining her composure when the doorbell rings and a hawker who sells beads walks in. The woman is old and seems rather frail, yet carries a baby on her back. Apparently, Ama and the lady have met before in the opening scenes of the play. The lady weeps that her daughter, Mensima, had died from heartache resulting from an unhappy marriage, thus saddling her with the responsibility of caring for a baby in her old age. Ama feels sorry for the lady and serves her a hot meal. The old lady, after eating her fill blesses Ama for her generosity and suddenly, her drab old clothes fall to the ground, revealing a pristine, white gown and wings!

She’s an angel come to test Ama and having found her worthy, tells her God has heard her prayers and that help’s on the way! She then tells Ama that her husband’s going to be destroyed and that whenever a man’s going down the path of destruction, he’s first made to despise his wife, because his wife acts as a spiritual wall around him. With that wall broken, it’s then easy to attack him. The angel challenges Ama to stand up for herself and to know that she can live her life without Kofi in it, since Ama had been going around lamenting that she could not imagine her life without Kofi in it. The angel then vanishes suddenly, leaving Ama confused, shaken and searching everywhere for her “Auntie Angel.”

In the next scene Kofi comes home with his lover, Candy, presumably a Nigerian lady from her accent, to find, to his shock and annoyance, that Ama’s still in the house and worse still, she’s adamant that she’s staying put. Candy’s angry and demands that Kofi drive Ama out. Ama, now emboldened by the angel’s visit dares Kofi to throw her out. Kofi, in his anger, swings a blow at Ama, but is prevented midway and then struck by the angel, who suddenly appears out of nowhere. The angel swings her sword to finish off Kofi, but is stopped by Ama who pleads with the angel to strike her instead, as she’s willing to die in Kofi’s place. The angel spares Kofi and asks Ama to urinate on him, to bring him out of unconsciousness. All this while, Candy is bent over Kofi and is lamenting the incident, but she moves over quickly, holding up her nose while Ama urinates on Kofi and restores him back to life.

Kofi’s still determined to physically drive Ama out of the house when he finally gets back on his feet and tries to placate Candy, who says she’s leaving. Candy mocks Kofi’s manhood and fertility and removes the cushion she had been pretending to be the baby bump from under her dress. She, then throws it at Kofi who weeps bitterly at the insult and then collapses again. Candy then reveals herself as a spirit being, tasked with the mission of finishing off men who cheat on their wives and asks Ama to urinate on Kofi again to revive him. While Ama sets about trying to revive Kofi, the two supernatural beings, Candy spirit being and “Auntie Angel”, discuss their current assignment and their next mission and then exit the stage. When Kofi finally comes to, Ama does her best to make him comfortable and then goes to get her suitcase of clothes she’s packed for her stay at her father’s. Kofi, by then, has had a change of heart and tries to persuade her to stay, but she insists that he come for her, as her father has asked, if he really wants her back and then leaves.

Kofi is greatly upset by his wife’s departure and is about to go look for his parents when his father walks in with a gift bag in hand, containing all his belongings. Apparently, Auntie Comfort has driven him out of their marital home and it’s only then that he realises that he has only a few possessions to his name, because his caring and supportive wife had made sure he’d lacked for nothing, but now that she was throwing him out, had taken back all the things she’d bought for him. He’s feeling lost without her and wants Kofi to help him win her back. Father and son then agree to help each other win back their wives and they set off for Mr. Forson’s house.
In the next and final scene, Kofi and his parents meet with Mr Forson in Kofi’s living room. Kofi apologises to his father in-law for maltreating Ama and pleads with him to allow him to take his wife back. Mr Forson agrees to it and Kofi goes out to the car to fetch his wife. This is when Mr Osei gets Mr Forson to intervene on his behalf so Auntie Comfort will take him back. Auntie Comfort agrees to take him back on condition that Mr Osei take back his assertion that only fools stay in unhappy marriages. Mr Osei is more than happy to recant his earlier statement and then adds, as an aside to the audience, that women stay in unhappy marriages because they love their husbands more than themselves. Auntie Comfort then explains that people stay in unhappy marriages because they keep hoping that things will get better. Kofi then comes in carrying his wife in his arms and then renews his vows to her in the presence of everyone. The play ends with Ama’s sister bringing in drinks followed by Joe, Ama’s co-worker and the two angels, who have disguised themselves again. Only Ama discerns that these two women are the angels that came to her house. The party goes into full swing, drawing the curtain on the action.

EXECUTION
The tempo of the play is quite upbeat and consistent and I was glad that the scenes did not drag on for too long. I thought the acting was pretty good and the actors were able to aptly capture the humour contained in the dialogue. I also liked the use of the microphones because it helped the actors to speak without shouting and prevented instances where an actor’s movement would interfere with the audience’s ability to hear him clearly. There were only a few instances of awkward silence that seemed to suggest that someone had forgotten their lines, such as in the Candy-Ama dialogue, when Kofi had passed out.

I admired Ama’s portrayal of a battered woman who still loves her husband in spite of all the hurt and pain. I thought the actress did a good job of portraying her pain and her love for her man, demonstrated in her offer to die in his place, as well as the hesitance with which she left her apparently reformed husband for her father’s house.

I was impressed with the speed and smoothness with which the first angel was revealed on stage. Her clothes fell off her, revealing wings, so we get the impression of seeing a real-life angel revealing herself before our very eyes.

Although the live band was a nice addition, the biggest minus, with the execution of the play was the singing of the characters. I liked the lyrics of Mr Forson’s song, urging his daughter to come home to him, unfortunately, I could hardly hear the lyrics because the melody (instruments) over-shadowed the actor’s voice. This was not the only instance of Iaboured singing by the actors and equally laboured listening by the audience. Ama’s performances were the only ones that made any real impact. The audience was impressed with her voice and delivery, as evidenced by the applause she got each time she sang. Since I saw the Sunday afternoon show, I am sure the actors were hoarse from all the singing the previous day. I suggest that either professional singers or the actors themselves record the songs before they put up the show. The actors can then mime the song during the play, so that the audience gets a good rendition of the songs. It would greatly improve the delivery and impact of the songs.

THE MESSAGE OF THE PLAY
I agreed with the first angel’s advice to Ama to be strong, not to allow anyone to trample on her and on her sense of self-worth and to know that she can live without Kofi. I cannot emphasise enough my agreement with this message because too many women are too afraid of being alone to get out of an abusive relationship. Physical abuse should not be tolerated by anyone in any relationship and I was happy that Ama told Kofi that she drew the line at physical abuse and then followed her father’s advice to leave Kofi and return home. Indeed, abuse of any form should not be tolerated and so I was not too pleased with Ama’s assertion that she could tolerate any form of abuse, but not physical abuse because I feel that it diluted the message that abuse in a relationship is an absolute no-no. Emotional scarring from emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse; perhaps even more so.

Still on the issue of abuse, there were instances of verbal abuse in the exchanges between Kofi’s parents. I felt sorry for Mr. Osei because even though he is portrayed by his wife as ungrateful to her for her sacrifices, Auntie Comfort obviously felt nothing but disdain for her husband and so kept insulting him, even when they were in public. We are not told why he left her the first time, but if the present circumstances were anything to go by, I would most definitely leave too if my wife insulted me at will and especially in public. It must be a really difficult thing to submit to a man you despise and have no respect for. Likewise, it must be really difficult to love a woman who never hesitates to drag your face in the mud!

I was deeply touched by Mr Forson’s song that Ama return home. I was especially touched by his words that he loved her, but he could not love her when she was dead, (ostensibly from the abuse she was enduring). I felt that it was a very positive message from a parent to a battered daughter. This message is even more striking, especially as it’s from a father, since it seems fathers don’t usually get involved in the love-lives and emotional well-being of their adult children. Perhaps this is the playwright encouraging families, especially parents to show an interest (not meddle!) in their children’s well-being, especially where things are not going well in their marriages.

It seems to me that many women do not get support from their families and friends to leave emotionally and physically abusive relationships. Too often, these support networks, which have such immense influence on these battered women encourage them to stay on in the relationship by consoling them that things will get better, or that they are better off with “the devil you know” than with the “angel you don’t know,” or worse still, that their situation is better than that of some acquaintance or other and so they should stay put because “that’s how it is.”
None of these things is true because the abusive partner is unlikely to change their attitude, since their behaviour stems from a basic lack of respect for their spouse. Respect once lost is hardly ever regained, so how would staying on improve the situation? Things would more likely go from bad to worse, unless something really dramatic and I mean, really dramatic happens.

Moreover, while it’s possible that the battered woman would have to live the life of a single woman for the rest of her days if she left the relationship, it’s also equally likely that she would find and enjoy a happy marriage with another man. An unhappy marriage is most certainly not how a marriage should be; it’s dysfunctional, period. Besides, being single is not such a terrible thing. While you may have to struggle financially and learn to enjoy your own company, you also have lots of freedom and peace of mind that you can’t have in an abusive relationship. Believe me, peace of mind is priceless! Small wonder many divorced or widowed women never remarry; having tasted of the freedom that being on their own gives them, they are often reluctant to surrender it, especially if they do not have young children.

Now, let’s come to an exchange that I found pretty troubling: the part where Mr Osei says that only fools stay in unhappy marriages; that marriage is not a life imprisonment and that one can leave a marriage that’s not working out and Auntie Comfort responds that her sacrifice to keep the marriage going, especially as she took him back when he was poor and friendless and her becoming the bread-winner of the family ever since has been pointless and so she’s throwing him out. While I agree with the playwright’s point that staying in an unhappy marriage doesn’t mean that one’s a fool and so one should not be quick to ditch their marriage when things are not going well, I don’t think staying is the smartest thing to do either. For one thing, it doesn’t make one a martyr. A martyr’s sacrifice is recognised because it’s understood as the person’s faithfulness to his ideals or principles, even at the peril of his life. It is the recognition by the people the sacrifice was made for that makes the person a martyr.

In any case, martyrs don’t make the sacrifice in the hopes that they’ll be accorded recognition and respect for their decision. Since Auntie Comfort expects Mr. Osei to appreciate her sacrifices and he obviously doesn’t, it’s not at all surprising that she gets upset that he is dismissive of her sacrifice and so throws him out. Moreover, is it fair to expect your spouse to constantly and consistently express his eternal gratitude to you for staying on even though they don’t deserve that much kindness from you on account of their past sins? The human heart being what it is seldom remembers such sacrifices, especially over time. No one likes to be held hostage for his past indiscretions or sins and to expect anyone to be obliged to you in such manner is unrealistic, unfair and bound to cause disappointment.

Then again, is it really a good idea to remain in an abusive relationship “because of the children?” Many women use this excuse to explain their hanging on to an unhappy or even abusive marriage, but is it really out of the concern for the children or out of a fear of being alone, of the unknown? Is it really in the best interests of the children to grow up in an environment where violence is the main mode of communication or expression? Are we not creating little monsters who’ll grow up to abuse their spouses in turn because they know no better, or rather, because they know no other way to express themselves?

There is a whole body of literature that supports the claim that as people, especially children learn by observing others, these children will pick up these bad behaviours from their parents and exhibit them in their own adult family lives. Staying in an abusive relationship because of the children is more certain to create adults who’ll perpetuate violence and dysfunctional relationships, rather than responsible, loving and emotionally well-balanced adults. Kofi seems to have turned out just like his father, an indication that he likely learned his bad behaviour from his father. Since Auntie Comfort was obviously the bread-winner in her home, did she really need to take Mr Osei back when he was poor and was only going to be a financial burden on her? Doing it out of love for Mr Osei is one thing and doing it for her children another and so if she did it for the latter reason, then I can’t say she did her children any favours. Perhaps, it’s about time as women, we were a little more honest with ourselves about our real motives for hanging on when even the family dog is treated with more affection and dignity than we are as wives.

When Mr Osei is taken back by his wife after his recanting of his earlier assertion, he adds, as an aside to the audience, that women stay in unhappy marriages because they love their husbands more than themselves. This statement is quite true, though in a rather negative way. If you don’t love someone more than yourself, it’s really impossible to submit to and endure all the indignities that person puts you through. This sounds like playing the martyr here and I don’t think it’s a good idea for reasons cited above in the paragraph about martyrdom. I don’t think this should be celebrated or portrayed as a good thing to do because loving someone more than yourself also requires a certain devaluation of self and self-image which is definitely not submission. Besides, even the Bible (and this play draws heavily on biblical or Christian teachings) exhorts us to love our neighbour as ourselves and not to love them more than ourselves. Thus, I don’t think it’s right to love our neighbours more than ourselves and to proclaim it from the rooftops.

When Auntie Comfort agrees to take her husband back, she explains that people stay in unhappy marriages because they keep hoping that things will get better. This seems to be a more plausible explanation than Mr Osei’s. Our marriage vows, at least the Christian ones, require us to stick with our chosen life-partners “for better or for worse” and so as discussed in earlier paragraphs, our social support networks encourage us to stay on in our marriages, however miserable they may be. Many couples outline or discuss the big dreams of a happy life that they’ll share when they’re getting married, but I doubt that they think much about what it means to stay on “for worse” or actually envisage exactly how terrible this “for worse” could be. While I’m all for staying on and hoping that things’ll get better, at what point do we realise that the “for worse” is not a phase, but actually our entire lives, count our losses and leave our abusive relationships? I don’t think there’s a definitive answer, but in my candid opinion, the moment it becomes abusive, you need to serve notice and if things don't improve, get out.

Serving notice here means seeking help, outside help to sort out the issues. I was happy that Mr. Forson intervened to force Kofi to think evaluate his marriage with Ama and to treat her well so that they could have a chance at happiness. He also intervened in the deadlock between Auntie Comfort and Mr Osei, to restore their marriage. “Auntie Angel’s” intervention helped Ama evaluate her marriage to Kofi, cultivate some self-love and confidence to demand better treatment from Kofi. The Candy spirit being’s intervention succeeded in getting Kofi to realise the folly of his ways and to appreciate his wife as the gem she was. While the latter two interventions were rather unusual, I think they also indicate that in such serious situations, outside help is needed to counsel the couple to re-evalute their relationship and to teach them to take better care of themselves and of each other.

I was pleased with Uncle Ebo’s use of Joe, Ama’s co-worker. I hope the husbands who saw the play all took note that when you abuse or neglect your wife, you make her easy prey for unscrupulous men who would break down her defences by being nice to her. The men are quick to point out that when their wives starve them of sex, they are, in effect, pushing them into the arms other women, but they don’t realise that it’s just as easy to push their wives into the arms of other men. Every human being wants love; craves love and acceptance and a sense of belonging. When you neglect your wife, or abuse her physically or emotionally, she turns to others for comfort. This is as natural a phenomenon as breathing. She then becomes a sitting duck for predatory men (especially if she’s beautiful). She may be overtaken by events and not be able to resist the temptation to feel loved in the arms of another man. While Ama was strong enough to resist Joe, who was also sensitive enough to leave and come back no more, another woman might not be so strong or lucky. The message here is clear, Men: lead us not into temptation!


STYLE
On a purely entertainment level, I would say that the play was entertaining, as the actors used some current lingua that the audience can identify with and also finished off the play with a highly energetic display of azonto steps. The scenes with the angels, especially the Candy spirit were unexpected and dramatically changed the dynamics of the plot. However, my issues with the plot have a lot to do with the impact of the angels. At the end of the play, one is left with a lot of lingering issues.

The first thing I disliked about the first angel, “Auntie Angel’s” role was when she struck Kofi unconscious at the moment he tried to hit Ama. I say this, because in a situation where there is physical abuse in the home, how often do the victims get angels who will shield them from harm? While I agree that there are angels amongst us, how many times do we meet real angels with wings in our lifetime?

My second issue with the angels is the fact that the use of the second spirit being, the Candy Spirit made the play seem a little too contrived. I didn’t find her role, or rather, the revelation that she was also a spirit being pleasant. Perhaps I’m prejudiced against this because I see Uncle Ebo to be the go-to person for practical advice and insight into real-life relationship problems. The problem of a cheating and physically abusive husband is a real enough experience for many women. It’s all right and well to put in these spirits who, within the space of a few hours, cause such a dramatic turn-around of events in a play, but for the person who went to see the play in the hope of getting an answer to his or her own peculiar problem, there is no answer here.
My third objection to the use of the angels is summed up in this question: really, what’s with the angels? I am protesting because this same technique was used in the other play I watched, HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT. This technique, known as “Deus ex machina” is when an extraordinary or supernatural event resolves an otherwise difficult problem or plot. In HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT, an angel suddenly comes in and resolves a difficult problem for the protagonist. As much as possible, I would welcome a situation where no two plays are ever stylistically similar as this would have a direct impact on the patronage of plays in the future.

Another style I would like to see less of is the use of a woman who uses invectives freely on people in most or almost every scene in which she appears. In most instances, the insults are quite harmless and intended, I’m sure to draw laughter from the audience. In this play, it was Auntie Comfort who insulted Mr. Osei all the time. In HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT, it was the mother of the bride-to-be, who rained insults freely on her daughter and on others. As in the use of the angels, consistent use of this technique will add up to creating a stereotype of the characters of Uncle Ebo’s plays and may do more damage, in the long run, than good, because it becomes a little stale after a while. The audience would want to be surprised and intrigued by each play, so they don’t get tired of them.

I found the couples sitting next to me looking a little sheepish both times Ama was forced to urinate on Kofi to restore him back to life. I must admit I felt rather uncomfortable too and probably had that same look on my face, which is why I turned round to look at their reactions, rather than concentrate on the scene onstage. I think that it would be fair for me to say that we’d rather we were not made to feel so uncomfortable when viewing the next play.

Finally, I feel that the plays draw too much on biblical text and so are too Christian-oriented. This narrows its scope in terms of appeal and alienates audiences who may not be Christian, or may be Christian, but would not want to be made to feel like they’re being given a sermon for entertainment. Even these Christians balk at any kind of entertainment that draws heavily on biblical text, or seems to be too “chrife” in approach, so imagine how unappealing it would be to a non-Christian. As I said earlier, Uncle Ebo has carved a niche for himself as the go-to person for practical advice on relationships through his interviews and presentations on radio, which have not been so heavy on biblical scripture. Thus, non-Christians or moderate Christians have also been attracted to his work. I feel that concentrating so much on scripture would be doing his brand a disservice because the Ghanaian market, really, is too small for niche marketing. If there are any plans for expansion, then the plays do need to take on a more centrist approach, so that people of other faiths might be interested in drawing lessons and inspiration from them, because there are many life lessons embedded in the plays. If this is not done, the deficiency will begin to show in the form of dips in popularity, which will, in turn negatively affect sales and sponsorship.

I would love to travel to Togo or predominantly-Muslim Senegal and find that Uncle Ebo’s plays are as popular there as they are in Ghana now, but they’ll only be able to attain such an international and multi-cultural status when they become as truly universal in tone as they are in content.

I have a few suggestions for packaging the plays. I know some suggestions may sound a little weird, but here they are:
· How about local language renditions of the plays?
· How about putting the plays on DVDs for sale?
· How about recording local language versions for sale?
· Mobile cinema for local language versions?
Uncle Ebo, my two cents on the matter...over to you...

HOW TO SPOT TRAFFIC-JAM PRONE AREAS IN ACCRA!

This is a light-hearted piece I wanted to share with you. I got a call from a friend about what he’s observed as being synonymous with traffic-jams in Accra: Policemen! I told him people would think I was on a police-bashing spree, because of my previous articles. Upon second thoughts, however, I feel that it ties in with something I’ve observed myself about traffic-jams in Accra. I hope this knowledge proves useful in some way, though I very much doubt it! (there's no where [else] to run, or in this case, drive!)


HOW TO SPOT TRAFFIC-JAM PRONE AREAS IN ACCRA!
Yes, you can actually tell if a road or a junction or intersection is traffic-jam-prone if you notice any of the following:
i. A mobile telephone top-up card vendor
ii. A “pure water” seller, and my personal favourite,
iii. A plantain chips seller!

The icing on the cake is the policeman or the traffic warden directing traffic in the centre of town. There’s always a traffic-jam in town when they are around. Sometimes, there’s actually no traffic-jam until this policeman or traffic warden shows up and then things go from bad to worse!

A case in point is the late night traffic checks. If you’re going to Adenta from Legon from about 9:30pm, I really wouldn’t like to be the one driving your car, because you’re going to be in a jam from Legon Gate, all the way to North Legon! Grrr!

Now, why don’t you put your powers of observation to test and tell me how one can spot other situations/events in Accra?

Looking forward to reading from you! (Okay, this, in other words, means leave me a comment, please!)


If you see a traffic-jam, there is something you should know
You can snack on plantain chips or have a drink of water
You can recharge your cell phone credit
And hope traffic warden makes things better!